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When it comes to public speaking, what exactly are you afraid of?

Most people I talk to don’t explore their fears at all – and this makes them worse.

The thought of public speaking brings up such uncomfortable feelings that they try to ignore them or stuff them down – which is why they continue to suffer. Glossophobia – the fear of public speaking – is one of the most common phobias in the world.

How is an amorphous ‘fear of fear’ holding you back and keeping you quiet?

I’m Sarah Mikutel, your communication and mindset coach. By the end of this episode of the Live Without Borders podcast, you will know:

what you’re really afraid of when you say you don’t like public speaking – no more amorphous clouds of discomfort,
how anxiety manifests in our mind and body and why not managing it is so harmful,
the beliefs underlying the four different flavors of public speaking anxiety, and

Stoic practices you can do to overcome your fear so you can more eloquently express your ideas and boost your confidence.

So no more holding in what you want to say and then internally screaming when someone else voices what you’d been thinking. It’s time to start feeling more calm and confident when you speak.

Book a call to discuss how you can communicate with less anxiety and more charisma

There’s nothing to fear but fear itself

During his first inaugural speech in 1933, President Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

The United States was in economic crisis. Millions of Americans were unemployed, businesses were failing, and people were panicking.

Roosevelt knew that fear and anxiety were exacerbating the crisis. They were withdrawing money from banks and making fear-based decisions, and this made the economic situation even worse.

More recently, we saw a similar panic during the Covid pandemic when people hoarded groceries.

The idea that our worries about a future event are often much worse than the actual event itself goes back at least to the ancient Stoics.

Nearly 2,000 years ago, Seneca said: “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”

This is true for public speaking, as well.

The fear of speaking in public is worse than actually speaking in public.

People come to me and say, “I hate speaking in public. I’ve always hated it. But I’m at the point in my career where I need to move past this. I’m sick of the anxiety – it’s holding back my career; it’s hindering my relationships. I just don’t know what to do with this fear.”

But what are they actually afraid of?

Often, we carry a vague sense of anxiety or apprehension about speaking up without giving any consideration to what’s really concerning us.

The first step in addressing this amorphous fear is to name it and bring it into focus.

Ask yourself what exactly you're afraid of when it comes to speaking up. Is it the fear of being judged, saying the wrong thing, not being heard, or something else? When you get more specific about your fear, you can demystify it, challenge its validity, and make it more manageable.

How public speaking anxiety manifests in your body, mind, and behavior

Pay attention to how speaking anxiety shows up in how you think, feel, and act.

If you’re feeling anxious about speaking, you may:

your mind goes blank
find it difficult to focus
feel adrenaline surge
speak with a shaky voice
speed up your rate of speech
fidget
avoid eye contact
criticize yourself
assume others are judging you
experience shaking hands, sweaty palms, or dry mouth
tremble
blush
heart rate goes up
stay quiet

The anxiety, nervousness, and self-doubt attached to our fear block our ability to communicate.

We worry we’ll make mistakes, forget what we want to say, and that our audience will judge us – fears that are often not based in reality.

This rumination can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When our fear of failure makes us so nervous that we stumble over words and spin out, our confidence takes a hit and we stay in a loop of assuming the worst – and then delivering on that. The cycle continues.

Not learning to manage your speaking anxiety can have major impacts on all areas of your life. People may think you're not interested in them or the work you do. You might sit out on opportunities you’d secretly like to try. Plus, the constant stress is bad for your mental and physical health.

The good news…you can learn to get a handle on your anxiety and become an excellent speaker.

First step: Figure out what’s making you so nervous in the first place.

The four types of communication apprehension

You may feel more anxious depending on who you’re talking to, what you’re talking about, the type of communication scenario you find yourself in, and genetics.

For example, you might feel fine going to a party where you won’t know most people but have a panic attack about the speech you’re giving at your friend’s wedding.

There are four common types of speaking anxiety, which researcher James McCroskey calls communication apprehension. He defines this as: “Fear or anxiety associated with either real or anticipated communication with another person or persons.”

Public speaking anxiety is one of the most common fears there is and it’s not limited to speaking on stage. People panic in all sorts of communication situations, including meetings, interviews, and even casual conversations when someone feels the spotlight is on them.

The four types of communication apprehension are: trait-based, context-based, audience-based, and situation-based.

If you want to become a more confident and competent speaker, consider which audiences or communication scenarios trigger your anxieties so you can follow strategies to manage them.

Here's an explanation of each type:

Trait-based anxiety

People with trait anxiety were likely born predisposed to feeling anxious about speaking in most situations.

Example: You feel anxious whenever you speak, whether with a friend or in a formal situation.

Context-based anxiety

Context-based anxiety depends on the specific kind of speaking scenario.

Example: You feel comfortable having one-on-one conversations with your colleagues, but if you have to present in front of all of them at once, you usually feel nervous. The change in the context of your communication (discussion vs. presentation) triggers the anxiety.

Audience-based anxiety

This anxiety is based on the presence of a specific person or group of people. It's not about the kind of communication or where you’re doing it, but whom you’re speaking to.

Example: You feel fine presenting ideas in team meetings but panic when sharing the same ideas with your board of directors.

If you identify with this, ask yourself why you might feel anxious in front of certain audiences. Is it fear of judgment? Fear of getting a negative evaluation? Fear they’ll find out you don’t know what you’re doing?

Asking questions can clarify your fears and help you combat them.

Situation-based anxiety

Situation-based anxiety comes about during specific, more one-off circumstances rather than ongoing fears based on audience or environment or how many people are in attendance.

Example: You generally enjoy one-on-one conversations, but you’re on a first date and your heart is pounding (at least at first – after a few minutes, you’re probably fine!)

Where does communication apprehension come up for you?

Is it when speaking with someone who seems higher status or who you perceive to be more “successful?” Speaking in front of a large audience versus one-on-one? Giving a toast at a wedding? Maybe you’re always nervous when it comes to speaking.

Does it depend on the audience? The context? The situation? Was this a trait you were born with?

What are you actually afraid of when you’re speaking in public?

Start thinking about fear as a challenge that will help you grow, instead of a permanent obstacle.

By the way, if you’d like in-the-moment pep talks to help you through communication anxiety, grab my Introvert Emergency Kit. The link is in the episode notes.

How the Stoics would manage fear of public speaking

Let’s really break this down using Stoic psychology, which is the foundation of modern cognitive behavioral therapy.

More than 2,000 years ago, the Stoics practiced challenging the unhelpful thoughts that popped into their minds. They said we really need to dissect our worries and vices to see them for what they really are.

They took a lot of inspiration from Socrates, who famously said, “The unexamined life isn’t worth living.”

This means getting curious about our world and also what’s happening in our own minds.

Most people accept their thoughts as facts, but thoughts are simply your opinions based on your experience.

What do you believe? Why? Are you open to changing your mind? What is guiding you? Who is influencing you?

We can use the Stoic theory of emotions to manage our speaking anxiety. Their framework says this is how humans operate:

something happens / something makes an impression on us;
we take a step back and evaluate our first impression;
we assent to this impression being correct, or we don’t;
if we do assent to it and agree our impression is true, then we feel an impulse to take some kind of action.

That’s the ideal scenario where we’re taking time to evaluate our initial impressions. Often people skip that part and immediately accept that what they’re thinking is true, and when they’re agreeing to irrational thoughts, that’s when full-blown passions can occur. Passions in Stoic-speak are negative emotions. There are positive passions, as well, but that’s a story for another time.

Let’s Stoically break down Michelle’s fear of presenting in front of her colleagues.

She spent hours the day before revising her slides on the latest product launch. She knows her stuff. She has a great relationship with her colleagues.

But as she stands in front of the room before the meeting begins, Michelle's amygdala sends out warning signals. Evolutionary psychologists hypothesize that this social phobia goes back to ancient fears of rejection from the group. For our ancestors, survival depended on being part of a tribe.

As Michelle's heart races, she starts to sweat. She’s panicking she won’t be able to think clearly. These involuntary sensations, or pre-emotions (propatheia), are not in her control, but what comes next is.

Pre-emotions are instinctual. Michelle’s fight-or-flight response is kicking in to keep her safe. The Stoics said this is a natural part of life.

But then we need to bring the rational part of our brain back online.

Michelle has received an impression that she is not safe. The next step, according to Stoicism, is to evaluate that impression – is it true that she’s unsafe?

No, it’s not true. Michelle is not going to assent, or agree, to this impression. She reminds herself she’s safe.

To help, she does some deep breaths to regulate her nerves and also imagines her legs like solid tree trunks rooted in the ground.

Let’s take this a step further.

Why does Michelle feel unsafe?

When she journals about this later, she says that she worried her colleagues would think she was dumb. But as she writes this, she realizes that this thought doesn’t make sense. Her colleagues have always given her high marks on innovation an outstanding performance.

Michelle has evidence to challenge the unhelpful thought that her colleagues think she’s not smart.

And let’s say she just started the job and doesn’t have those great performance reviews yet. She can still replace her unhelpful thought with a more useful one like, “I worked hard on this presentation and I know my colleagues want to hear this information.”

Again, a thought – an impression – exists in Michelle’s mind that her colleagues think she’s dumb.
Michelle reflects on how true this thought is. What evidence is there?
She does not assent to this false impression.
Instead, she focuses on contributing to her team instead of being preoccupied with what they think of her.

She’s applying wisdom – a core Stoic virtue – to her situation by exploring the root causes of her fears. She knows that courage isn’t the absence of fear but the willingness to act despite it and to seek to understand herself better, including her anxieties, triggers, and reactions.

Stoicism encourages you to embrace your current circumstances, no matter how challenging they may be; focus your energy on what you can control; and accept what you can’t.

You can control your response to public speaking anxiety, such as your mindset and your willingness to confront your fears.

You can’t control external factors, such as the reactions of others.

Let’s imagine a version of this story in which Michelle starts a new job and her colleagues do think she’s dumb. Or their words give her that impression.

While presenting in a meeting, Michelle’s colleague, Carl, says, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Michelle’s heart starts racing. She thinks, “This is bad. They don’t like me.” She assents to this impression and starts believing this is bad. She feels anxiety and sadness.

But what if Michelle gave herself time to pause and reflect on her situation instead of automatically believing it?

She’d realize:

Her new colleagues don’t know her. The comment she perceived as hurtful was made out of ignorance and isn’t true.
She doesn’t need to value ignorant statements above her own opinion of herself.
She can let go of the panic that this is a bad situation, and proceed with more calm. She can respond with a joke: “Tell me how you really feel.” Or ask a question: “What gives you that impression?”
She can consider Carl’s perspective: Maybe he thinks she only got hired because she’s the CEO’s niece and he assumes she doesn’t deserve her job. Maybe he applied for it.

Michelle doesn’t need to let people walk all over her, but she can engage from a place of calm curiosity instead of defensiveness. This is more effective in building relationships.

Of course, this kind of Stoic mindfulness requires practice.

Most of us would be angry if someone said, “I don’t think you know what you’re doing,” in front of a bunch of people.

Because we’re assenting to the impression that this is bad. Our value has been tarnished.

But this is a thought error.

Other people’s words can’t affect your character. You are in control of the kind of person you are. No one can take away your value, or arete (moral excellence) aka virtue.

The Stoics said virtue is the only good and vice is the only bad. Meaning virtue is the only thing that is always good no matter what. You can substitute personal excellence or value or moral character here.

Money isn’t always good because it can be used to fund a war targeting civilians. You can fill in whatever variable you want here. But you living with arete – that is always a good thing. Living as your best self.

Is this a bad thing?

So the Stoics wouldn’t say that a rude comment is a bad thing (I’m debating whether I have to say perceived everywhere, like “perceived rude comment.” I think that’s overkill).

The Stoics would Carl’s comment was indifferent. Meaning that his opinion doesn’t change who Michelle is as a person. It doesn’t affect her moral character. She’d prefer he welcome her and treat her kindly – a preferred indifferent – but that isn’t ultimately in her control.

Also, Epictetus would say, “Michelle. Why do you want to impress Carl so much? Yesterday you were talking about what an idiot he is. Why is his opinion so valuable and accurate all of a sudden? Why are you chasing the approval of crazy people?”

And there’s a Stoic paradox for you. Try to understand people and see the world from their point of view, and also don’t privilege their opinions of you above your opinions of yourself, especially if they are not people you respect.

Rehearse your speech using the premeditation of adversity

Final tip, f you’re like Michelle and know you get nervous in certain situations – and that is most of us, you can rehearse in advance.

The Stoics practiced the premeditation of adversity. This visualization involved imagining obstacles that could come up in specific situations and how they'd manage them ahead of time. Professional athletes do this today.

Know you might start to feel nervousness caused by social anxiety disorder. As you start your speech, you feel heart palpitations and you start speaking at your fastest pace. In this imaginary rehearsal you remember to slow down. Practice deep breathing. You make eye contact with people in the room and stay on track. You feel feel calmer. Your stage fright starts to melt and you feel less nervous and more secure in your ability to speak.

The Stoics weren't panicking about the bad things that could happen, they were calmly contemplating adverse scenarios and how they'd deal with them.

This is different from worrying about the future. The Stoics practiced rational thinking, knowing that most things that come up are indifferent – meaning neither objectively good or bad – and not the end of the world.

This exercise helps you see that the worst-case scenario is usually not as bad as you think.

And it reminds us that most situations are beyond our control and it's how you respond in the moment that's important. It's the quality of our character. Who we choose to be.

So if you blush in a meeting or forget someone's name, or someone call you out in a meeting, this is not a catastrophe. Everyone makes mistakes.

Michelle can brainstorm all kinds of circumstances in advance and how she’d deal with them, from someone shouting a nasty comment (not very likely to happen) to feeling anxiety in her body before giving a presentation (highly likely).

This mental preparation will help you respond more calmly and confidently in real-life situations.

Visualize obstacles, and also visualize your success. Imagine how your speech or presentation will go and how you'll calm your nerves when they come up. Don't worry about giving the perfect speech; focus on connecting with your audience. Practice speaking slowly and make eye contact with a friendly face.

Practice exposure therapy to overcome presentation stress

If you want to overcome your fear of public speaking, you have to get comfortable practicing your presentation or giving a speech. Don't avoid rehearsing until the last minute, hoping you'll be magically great and motivated. You can't think yourself brave. You need to take brave action.

The most effective way people conquer their nervousness or anxiety in public speaking situations is by doing it more. You need to hone your skills. Exposing yourself to what you're afraid of, whether it's fear of spiders or speaking on stage, relieves you of the unpleasant emotions.

Organizations like Toastmasters International provide opportunities to gain more speaking experience in a supportive environment

Summary

When you’re faced with something you’re afraid of, like public speaking, remember this a universal human experience.

We all have fears and insecurities. Have compassion for yourself.

You don’t have complete control over the initial flutter of nerves or how others perceive you.

But, you do have control over your mindset and how you interact in the world. You choose the values you want to live by.

Try incorporating Stoicism into your toolkit for managing public speaking anxiety.

Align yourself with Stoic values such as wisdom, courage, respect, and honesty. These are actions, not just words.

Stoicism gives you a framework to understand your fears and take action to address them so you can reduce anxiety and become a more calm, confident, and influential speaker.