How Long Will You Wait Before You Demand the Best for Yourself?
Janus is the Roman god of beginnings and endings, transitions and passageways, doorways and duality, amongst several other things.
And he was one of my favorite sculptures in my town’s art Triennial this year, formally known as the Creative Folkestone Triennial 2021. High up on the East Cliff, in a little park overlooking the ocean, stood this massive head of Janus, who’s typically portrayed with two faces, one facing toward the future and the other face looking toward the past.
Young Janus, before his disintegration.
That's what this artwork looked like: a gleaming white, massive head of Janus with one face looking toward the harbour and the other face looking back toward the houses on the street.
The sign next to Janus said, “It looks out to sea towards Europe and inland to England, contemplating what connects us as well as what divides us. It is made of plaster and chalk and will gradually degrade and disintegrate, reflecting the gradual erosion of the coastline as well as Folkestone’s history as a fort of England.”
I love that the Triennial has themes and that the art tells real stories.
When Chilean artist Pilar Quinteros visited Folkestone to research her project, she learned about our history as a fortress and as a port. But the white cliffs crumbling into the sea left the biggest impression and inspired to create Janus, which she described as “a monument to uncertainty,” a kind of ephemeral “anti-monument.”
And he did melt away, helped along by vandals, by the time the Triennial ended this month. A pile of white dust and plaster on the green grass.
Memento mori, as the Stoics would say. We will all end up like Janus. And most of us live with that same duality: One part of us pondering the future, another replaying the past.
And we’re missing this moment. The present moment. We’re here but not here.
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Cliffs that inspired artist Pilar.
Free your mind to start fresh
So ask yourself: “What do I need to let go of right now?”
What’s been weighing on you for days or longer? Maybe it’s something you’re afraid of. Maybe a friend upset you and you tried to make peace with it in your mind, but it keeps floating back.
Whatever happened this week, journal it out. Do a thought record like I talked about on the Manage Your Mind episode. Feel the physical sensations in your body related to your emotion and write about those, too. Ask yourself questions like: “Is this true?” and “What’s another way of looking at this?”
You might have good reason to be upset, but also ask yourself how those feelings are serving you. Are they helping you or holding you back? Does anyone else even know you’re upset, or are you holding it all in? Is there a conversation that you need to have? And if the thought of that gives you anxiety, ask yourself why. What’s the worst that could happen? What’s the best that could happen?
As an Enneagram 9, I hate conflict more than anything and go into withdraw mode if someone upsets me. But I’m working on this and can say that after having a conversation that clears the air with someone, any heaviness dissipates and all feels right with the world. Something I may have carried around for a week.
Of course, I need to do my own mind management and understand that most things are not about me and are out of my control. But we can still have honest conversations with people about what we’re thinking and feeling. What our preferences and boundaries are.
So if you’re distracted by a bad feeling or thought, do what you need to do to wipe the slate clean. Life’s too short to hold on to the hurt.
Stop making excuses
OK, you’ve cleared the decks. Now let’s think about what you’ve been putting off. What is something you’ve wanted to do for awhile, but there never seems a good day to start?
“I’m too tired.” “I’ll start after the holidays.” “Maybe when the kids are older.” “After my birthday.” “After my work trip next month.” “Someday when I’m less busy.”
Hey, we all do this. We like to stay in our routines because its comfortable. Our brain enjoys this autopilot mode.
“How long will you wait before you demand the best for yourself”
I’ll talk more about rewiring your brain on a future episode, but for now, pick a date. Pick a start date for whatever you want to do. Maybe this is something longterm, like start a new business. Maybe you need to get your butt in a chair and sort out your finances. Maybe you want to take a vacation. Where are you going? When? Get it on the calendar!
Literally, get it on the calendar. Find a coach. Find a support group.
I’m doing the Fresh Start 21-Day Cleanse again. You heard its creator, Simple Green Smoothies founder Jen Hansard on this podcast before.
And I generally eat very healthy, but I was drinking black tea, having vegan desserts now and again, sometimes pasta and sandwiches. This cleanse is no sugar, no caffeine, no alcohol, no flour, which sounds really boring and many people feel awful at the beginning — I did. But today on day seven, I feel like I’m floating on a cloud. Sleeping great. I love it. I could eat this way all the time.
But I paid to do this detox for accountability. Because beforehand, I did have thoughts in my mind like, “Oh, I’ll start that cleanse tomorrow,” and also thoughts that it would be hard, even though I had done it before. And now I’m golden. This is the quality of life that I want. And I look back and think, “Wow, why did I think this would be hard?”
And some people in the group have fallen off the wagon a bit. Fine. They didn’t quit, which is so easy to do. You make one mistake and it’s, “I guess I wasn’t cut out for this,” or “I’ll try again next year.”
“Even if we fail here and now, no one stops us from competing again; we don’t have to wait another four years for the next Olympics.”
You don’t need to wait for next year, or even tomorrow. Dust yourself off and get back up today. Start today.
The secret scull inside Janus and one of the artists who brought him to life.
I mentioned on a previous LIVE Without Borders episode with Jen that Seneca said that what we do is who we are, and creating good habits will help us become better people. Sometimes we have to will ourselves into doing the right thing until it feels like the only thing we want to do.
This doesn’t have to be a vegan cleanse for you, although I’d highly recommend it. But what are you putting off because it feels challenging?
Get yourself excited for the challenge, which is the only way you can really grow. Seneca said he felt sorry for people who never faced any adversity because they never knew what they were capable of.
Show the world what you’re made of. Show yourself what you’re made of.
And start now. Don’t wait for tomorrow.
What is your one thing that you want to focus on? How does this align with your purpose and values? That is what’s going to keep you going. That and scheduling what you want to achieve on the calendar.
Day of the dead
The end of the 2021 Triennial procession.
As the sculpture of Janus the Roman god disintegrated, the inside of the head revealed a giant black skull. The Triennial ended on November 2, the Day of the Dead. They closed the festivities by wheeling the skull through the streets in a procession, along with dancers and a brass band.
The statue wound its way down from the East Cliff, met us at the bottom of the Old High Street, and then we all joined in and followed them up and around to the park as the Christmas lights went on.
To quote from Seneca (Letter 79): “As it is with a play, so it is with life—what matters is not how long the acting lasts, but how good it is.”
If this day were your last, would you be satisfied with how you’ve lived it?
If you’re looking for more peace, clarity, and positive transformation in your life, I’m here to help.
Hi. I’m Sarah Mikutel and, using tools like the Enneagram and Stoicism, I help my coaching clients reduce their anxiety and overwhelm, strengthen their relationships, and shift from uncomfortable stalemate to confident action.
You will never have this day again. It’s time to make every moment matter.
